Up for yoga?

I believe that EVERYONE should do yoga because it is such a wonderful way to exercise and clear your head. One thing everyone should understand about yoga class is...accomplished yogis leave their ego off the mat (in fact they try to leave it out of life period). SO, when you're in a room full of "good" yoga students and you're feeling intimidated, no one is judging you. We are all too busy being in the zone, breathing, loving our bodies (no matter the shape), loving having the space to just be. If anything, we are applauding you for giving it a try. Something else a lot of people don't know about yoga is...yoga is exercise for your heart, not just your body. My yoga teacher told us a story about two other yogis in her yoga certification class. One was a thin athletic type and one was a larger, less fit type. The larger one actually had a deeper understanding of opening her heart and connecting her mind, body and spirit. The fitter one, had trouble with that. Personally, I'd rather have a teacher with a bigger heart and a bigger body, that an athletic build who doesn't know how to open her heart. And one last point...where ever you are in your yoga journey, that's exactly where you should be. You are doing it correctly. As long as you are getting to the mat and giving it your all, you are correct. You're postures may not look like the cover of a yoga magazine, but you are doing them right. Try yoga! It will change your life if you trust it, trust yourself, and allow it. Namaste.

Yin Parenting

Today, my four-year-old son achieved something, and I was super proud. He pushed a chair over to the kitchen, climbed up on the chair, and put something special on top of the fridge that he didn’t want anyone getting their hands on. Had his one-year-old sister done this, the independent mountain goat that she is, I would have been unsurprised and unimpressed. But because it was him, I was relieved and proud. For my son, climbing to the top of the fridge is a milestone.

All kids are different, and my two are really different. My daughter is independent and headstrong, while my son is codependent and also headstrong. It is not in my daughter’s DNA to ask for help, while my son will shriek until he gets someone to not only help, but to do it for him. Both personalities have their inherent challenges, but it’s my son who has taught me the most about how to be a mom.

He taught me how to leave my children alone. He taught me how to let them be. Let them live. Let them be great. How to learn from their own mistakes and have space to grow and get greater. One of the crazy paradoxes of parenting, I’ve learned, is that sometimes the best course of action is no action. Like when my son is screaming in the living room because his puzzle keeps coming apart. Or my daughter is learning to walk and keeps falling, over and over and over again. The easy thing to do in both these scenarios is to swoop in and help. To put the puzzle together. To pick her little body up from the hardwood floor and hold her hand as she walks. But I don’t. I stand there and breathe. I remember to let them be and let them be great, even (usually in the case of my son) when they don’t believe they can do it.

So when he was scaling the fridge, I applauded him. What a feat it was for him to do that without asking for help! To have the desire to put that special thing in a high place and to not ask me to put it there. To not ask for help in moving the chair. To not ask for help in climbing the chair. To not ask for help in getting down from the chair. He just had the idea and did it. He had the confidence and the independence to do it. And I stood back and let him shine. I let him make friends with his confidence and his greatness and I said “Good job, buddy.”

Had it been my daughter, I may have had to pull her off the top of the fridge to prevent injury as she tried to jump off. But all kids are different. Knowing how to react to different situations for each of your differing personalities is one of the many nuances of parenting. But I do believe that in some situations, doing nothing is the toughest way to go. Doing nothing is when you are actually doing the most.

Focus on what you have

We have a new saying in our house. It goes “Focus on what you do have, not what you don’t have.” This saying is nothing new. It’s a central theme of most, if not all world religions, spoken by the likes of Jesus Christ, the Dalai Lama, Muhammad. And it was uttered by me, a mother of a particularly ungrateful three-year-old after a family trip to the Milwaukee Zoo.

This trip to the zoo was extra exciting because it was during “Feast with the Beasts”. This is a special, annual festival at the zoo where they have yummy food vendors at almost every corner. So you can watch the elk grazing in their fake, but realistic-looking, grassy habitat and go across the way and enjoy a bison burger. It’s awesome.

So we are on our adventure, having a great time when our offending three-year-old, William, spots one of those binocular viewing things that you put a quarter into and can look at blurry images of whatever animal is 50 feet away. “I’m gonna get a wax mold today.” Ah, opportunity cost! William knows that at every trip to the zoo, he can either choose to get a $2 wax mold or a 25 cent look at the scenery. Today he has chosen the wax mold. I’m impressed and proud of his maturity and economic intelligence. Less than 20 minutes later William has his majestic, warm, waxy elephant figurine.

“I’m hungry.” Mom and Dad buy William a giant bowl of shaved ice covered in orange syrup. I think this is where things went wrong. We took a detour from our usual “no treats before meals” stance because hey, this is Feast with the Beasts and anything goes. William really gets into that shaved-ice. He loves it.

We go into the reptile house and the small mammal house. We head to the zoo train. On the way, William sees the carousel, but we play the “only one ride” card and make him pick. He sticks with the plan - the train. We ride around, wave at all the on-lookers, have a great time, and get off.

“I’m hungry.” Mom and Dad buy William a croque-monsieur, which is a fancy way of saying “ham and cheese sandwich” but because it was from a fancy French restaurant, it’s called a croque-monsieur. William and his sister split it and devour it. Mom and Dad are happy that even though they are buying a lot on this zoo trip, it seems to be appreciated and worth it. Yay!

We look at a few more animals, and decide to call it a day and head home for naps. That’s when it starts. William gets mad. He wants stuff. Mom and Dad half listen for the ride home, interjecting a “no” or a “next time” every once in a while. We get back to the house, and William sits down in the mud room and just keeps going on about how he wants this wax mold and this toy and blah blah blah. And. I. lose. it. “YOU JUST GOT A TON OF STUFF AT THE ZOO. YOU GOT A WAX MOLD, A SHAVED ICE, A CROQ...HAM AND

CHEESE. WE RODE THE TRAIN AND YOU GOT TO SEE THE ALLIGATORS AND THE BATS AND ALL THOSE ANIMALS!” William looks at me. Blinks. I continue in a slightly calmer, normal volume. “Focus on what you do have, not what you don’t have. How about a thank you?” “Thank you, Mommy.” He goes off and plays, with the endless junk he does have.

I felt like this was the first time that William actually listened to me and understood the lesson I was trying to teach him. In our throw-away culture of excess and bigger is better, I’ve worried about how to teach my kids the life-lesson of gratitude. Happiness means being content with one’s present situation and not striving endlessly for the next big thing. This post-zoo “discussion” was the first step towards that, probably of many, as we navigate the path of raising aware, contented kids. So now, whenever the greed monster rears his ugly head, I say “Focus on what you…” and William finishes “do have, not what you don’t have.”